Dealing with Death

Funeral arrangements should be made as soon as possible. Burial, embalming, entombment, or cremation is usually done with the assistance of a funeral home.

Be prepared to discuss:

• suitable dates and times
• a designated charity for memorial donations
• financial arrangements
• burial/cremation, visitation, and viewing
• types of services you would like (e.g., style of service, religious/non-religious, etc.).

A funeral home is responsible for:

• transporting the deceased
• preparation and embalming
• organizing and staffing the service
• composing and releasing the obituary
• filing the death certificate and transmitting copies to you
• administrative and ceremonial arrangements, and
• courtesy referral to other services as needed.

All funeral homes and companies described as transfer services offer an inexpensive alternative known as direct disposition. This option includes the removal of the deceased from the place of death, the placement of the deceased in a container or casket, the delivery of the deceased to the cemetery or crematorium and the filing of necessary documentation.

While there is no law requiring you to use a funeral home or transfer service, there are legal documents that need to be completed to register a death or arrange for cremation, embalming, entombment or burial. Cemeteries and crematoriums both require a casket or container be used and transporting a body can pose challenges. Ensure you are complying with the law.

Costs depend entirely on the services selected by you. Every funeral director and transfer service operator are required by law to have price lists available to the public at no charge and without obligation.

The death of a person close to you is often a very painful and difficult experience. You will probably have strong feelings over time, and sometimes they may seem overwhelming.

You may experience shortness of breath, loss of appetite, feelings of vulnerability, guilt, lack of interest, forgetfulness and more.

These are normal reactions. However, if they persist, seek professional help.

If you have lost someone and a crime is involved, the grieving process may be more complicated. There will be a police investigation. Criminal charges may be laid by the police, and charges may proceed to criminal court. Other people may be making decisions that affect you and your family. That can create additional frustration.

Be aware of how you and others around you are coping. Let others know they are not alone and remember that mourning for your loved one is a normal and important part of recovering. Give yourself time to heal and put off any major changes or decisions.

Children

Pay particular attention to children—they need to grieve as much as adults. However, grief may show itself differently. It's not unusual to see children acting out grief one minute and then playing happily the next minute. Try not to limit their tears, feelings or even anger.

Above all, children need to feel safe, loved and cared for. Use simple, direct language to explain that a loved one has died.

Some guidelines include:

• answer their questions in a way that satisfies them and try not to give more information than required—give a brief explanation and answer in a language level that the child can easily understand
• don't be afraid to use words like “dead” and “death”
• never tell children anything they will have to unlearn later (e.g., “Grandma has gone away” or “Grandma is sleeping”)— the child should understand that death is permanent, and the loved one will not come back
• let children know that it is okay to show their emotions
• reassure children that they are loved and will be cared for

You have the right to expect regular updates from police investigators, and they have a right to be allowed the opportunity to do their job. Some documents relating to ongoing investigations may not be released to you immediately.

According to the Victims' Bill of Rights, you have the right to be informed of services available to you, the progress of investigations that relate to the crime, any charges laid or why no charges were laid, the dates, places, and outcomes of all court proceedings, and to make representations to the court by way of a victim impact statement.

When the police have finished collecting evidence involving a body, it is transported to the hospital if there will be an autopsy. Autopsies are generally done when there is a chance that something about the cause of death, or the underlying illness, may be uncovered. In some cases, a loved one has the right to refuse an autopsy. If there are any suspicious or uncertain aspects to the death the coroner may order an autopsy which cannot be refused.

When a coroner is involved

A coroner is an appointed public official. In Ontario, as outlined in the Coroner's Act, cases that fall under the jurisdiction of the coroner include:

• sudden or unexpected deaths
• deaths from violence
• suicides, and
• deaths that occur in a suspicious, unusual or unnatural manner.

A Coroner can order an autopsy. In addition to determining the cause of death, the purpose of the autopsy may be to identify the deceased or verify the time of death. Materials are collected for medical evidence (e.g., bullets, hair, fibers, semen, etc.) and for toxicology testing (e.g., blood, bodily fluids, etc.).

An autopsy will not generally affect the family's ability to view the body. However, be aware that an autopsy is a medical examination that can involve incisions and the examination of internal body organs and tissues—it may be emotionally difficult to see the after affects.

Information pertaining to the death may be obtained from the coroner. On written request, you can get a copy of the Coroner's Investigation Statement (it can take several months to complete). There is a cost, and insurance companies can sometimes reimburse that cost depending on the situation. Once the coroner releases the body to the family, transportation can be arranged with the funeral home or other service provider.

Dealing with the media

Handling a traumatic event is difficult enough. Add the dimension of dealing with the media, and your task becomes even more challenging. In some cases, your cooperation with the media may help others. At the same time, it can be a very painful experience if not done correctly.

You have the right to choose whether or not to be interviewed at all by the media. So, if a news person calls you from a newspaper, television or radio, you can agree to be interviewed, or you can decline.

Some tips include:

• select the time and location for media interviews—while the media is governed by deadlines, nobody should be subjected to a reporter arriving unannounced at your home
• know that you don't have to answer any questions that make you uncomfortable or that you feel are inappropriate
• if an interview begins to feel hostile, slanted or too emotionally demanding, you have the right to stop the interview and walk away
• if applicable, request anonymity
• release a written statement instead of doing an interview
• you can select a spokesperson or advocate to do your talking for you (e.g., a family member or lawyer)
• know that a journalist can report anything you say—even “off the record” comments, and
• demand a correction if inaccurate information is reported.

Financial assistance

If the cost of a funeral or burial is not affordable for you, speak to your provider (funeral home or transfer service) about potential death benefits that may help you.

The most common benefits available are those provided by the Canada Pension Plan (CPP), Veterans Affairs Canada and life insurance policies.

In emergency situations, the City of Ottawa can help pay for some of your funeral and burial expenses. To apply, call 613-560-6000 and the operator will direct you to the proper department.

The Criminal Injuries Compensation Board can sometimes compensate you for your loss if it is due to a crime. They can be contacted at 1-800-372-7463.

Estates

Consulting a lawyer is a good first step.

If the deceased does not have a will, the Court will appoint the Office of the Public Guardian and Trustee as estate trustee, and all property will be distributed according to a formula fixed by law. Any person claiming a share of the estate must establish that they are entitled to inherit. Visit the Office of the Public Guardian and Trustee website or call 1-800-891-0506 for detailed information.

Also, visit www.gov.on.ca for detailed information about what to do when someone dies and the necessary forms provided by the Government of Ontario. For further support, please visit the Bereaved Families of Ontario–Ottawa Region or call them at 613-567-4278.